the real me

i know the first impression that people get when they see me is that i'm very dao, cool, unfriendly etc. i guess maybe i just don't smile enough and i'm too reserved. i like to make friends who are sincere no matter whether they are humorous, can say flattery things.... some people may think that i am too naive in baring my heart and thots to people whom i do not really know but believe to be sincere and true friends. i think there should be trust in a person in order to be sincere. someone told me just recently that in the real world, there are all kinds of people and i should be wary of them. i'm sometimes just a very simple person who truly believes that when i am nice and true to someone, that person will also do the same to you. but does it work all the time? i guess most people will say no.

i really hate to be a hypocrite but i think sometimes i'm just forced to be one. you may think that it is just an excuse to say that you are forced by circumstances but can you be always so frank and get things done smoothly? but i never believe in being a hypocrite to people i call them as friends.

i can be friends with someone whom i know for just a short while and tell them everything without much reservation if i can click with that person. but if you can't click with someone, its no use knowing that person for a long time. i guess all this is just fate. i can be friendly to everyone but i can't make everyone like me. someone told me to open up myself more to others so that i will be a likeable person. but does it help if it's just a one sided thing? i do not like to do things with a motive. i just hope that people who do not know me well will feel that i'm just a simple and sincere friend.

i always have this thot to travel overseas for holiday. When my travel fare has finished, i will just work for it to the next destination. But it has always just remained a thot and i wonder will it ever come true. i guess it will take a lot of courage to quit a stable job and travel without planning for your future. i guess the courage will come if i find the right one who has the same dream as me. so a simple dream that will come true for the near future will just be to travel to nice beaches all over. i have always liked the sea and beaches. all my troubles will be gone when i'm lying on the beach or soaking in the sea. i'm glad to have found kahkis who also liked such places.