a relief soon

after months of battling with illness, going in and out of hospital, my grandma will soon find relief in another world. i havent exactly been a filial granddaughter. although she just stays a few doors away from me, i seldom go to visit her. i just didnt know how to communicate with her. so even if i went to visit her sometimes when my parents are away on a holiday, i would sit there and watch tv after a short conversation with her.

i didnt realise that she has become so ill until she was admitted to ICU last week. even when she was admitted to hospital a few times, staying for a few weeks there, i hardly visit her, maybe just once a week. i have always thot that she will get well soon. but her condition has gotten quite serious that she gotta be put on life support. she couldnt talk but just looked at us when we visited her because she had a tube in her mouth. it really made me feel so sad to see her like that.

my dad and his siblings finally made the decision to take off the life support system to let her pass away peacefully instead of continuing to suffer. after the life support was taken off on wed, she was able to talk and kept rattling off non-stop. she could recognise us for a moment, but treated us as strangers for another moment. her hands and legs became so swollen that she kept complaining about pain.

when i went to visit her today, she became delirious and couldnt recognise us at all. she kept lamenting that my cousin didnt want to come and see her in her delirious state. i wondered why my cousin could be so unfilial when my grandmother doted on him so much. then she started to mumble to herself as if she is talking to "someone". it felt quite scary.

i regretted not being a filial granddaughter but we couldnt chase back lost time. i just pray that all her suffering will end soon.